Time Out

There is no time out in life. As long as you breathe, you're still practically living. The heart pumps painstakingly through the course of the day no matter how awful that day is. And the mind is a restless vagabond, always up and about even in sleep. There is no escaping life. It is as constant as the sun's rising and setting. No time outs!

But I really need to shut down for a while.

Haiku in my room

oscillating fan:

labors through the humid day

with dust on its blades

***

lazy afternoon...

dirty clothes

lying on the floor

***

just roused from siesta;
staring at ceiling cobwebs
irritates my nose

Image from: http://img.ehowcdn.com/article-page-main/ehow/images/a08/c5/p4/repaint-ge-fan-800x800.jpg

Where are you?

You were who I considered whole, though you always thought slightly of yourself. You were brave and you fought for what you believed in, and I was as passive aggressive as ever. Our common ground was our adamant indecision at the face of our individual forks in the road. But you were fickle and constantly jumped into different things at once, while I, the coward, always settled. Yet I learned from looking at you that I was not as fearful as I thought. In fact, at special times, I was a stronger person than you. You confided in me many things that were fresh to my being. At first it felt like I was walking on the edge of a cliff, at the verge of falling into the unknown, but I learned that I need not share this treacherous paths of yours. All you really asked of me was to listen. And I did. But then, just like that, you were gone.

It is not your mere presence that I miss, but the impression of  your presence on me. I have bestowed in your person my strength and candidness, and they seemed to have vanished with you. That last night we talked, I knew I had found a friendship of a lifetime. 

Just so you know, I have not lost my faith in you. I am certain that right now you are out there saving the world. One day everything will be okay and you can come back.

The Laundry Line

I'll take you to a field with an infinite laundry line
Where the clothes can hang low
And tempt the grass with their soft caresses
Where the wind comes and goes
Passing idly and wanting
We'll hang our cares beside the sheets
We'll leave them up until they dry
And when they're clean, we'll stain them again
With our pensive thoughts and fleeting dreams
We'll let the sun burn our skin
Until they're the color of fresh earth
We'll smell the bleach-scented breeze
And pretend we're as clean as laundered clothes
We'll sleep through the passing afternoon
And wake up to a crepuscular sky
Then, one by one, we'll take down
The blankets, the shirts, and the underwear
We'll take a second to linger at their softness
Before we put them in a neat pile
And then we'll walk slowly for home
Smelling of the sun and the grass and the bleach

Image from http://www.someartfabric.com/art/KokkaCompany/JG-55200-201B.jpg

My Little Accidents

I'm sorry if I have such unsteady hands that I shattered your dreams into pieces.

Let's escape together

Flight

Written by Craig Carnelia

Performed by Sutton Foster and Megan McGinnis

Let me run through a field in the night 
Let me lift from the ground till my soul is in flight 
Let me sway like the shade of a tree
Let me swirl like a cloud in a storm on the sea 
Wish me on my way, through the dawning day 
I wanna flow, wanna rise, wanna spill, 
Wanna grow in a grove on the side of a hill 

I don't care if the train runs late, if the checks don't clear, if the house blows down 

I'll be off where the weeds run wild 
Where the seeds fall far from this earth-bound town, 
And I'll start to soar, watch me rain till I pour 

I'll catch a ship that'll sail me astray 
Get caught in the wind, I'll just have to obey time
Till I'm flying away 

Let me leave behind all the clouds in my mind 
I wanna wake without wondering why
Finding myself in a burst for the sky 

I'll just roll, let me lose all control 
I wanna float like a wish in a well, 
Free as the sound of the sea in a shell 

I don't know but maybe I'm just a fool, 
I should keep to the ground
I should stay where I'm at 

Maybe everyone has hunger like this 
And the hunger will pass 
But I can't think like that 

All I know is somewhere through a clearing

There's a gleam of sunlight on a river long and wide

And I have such a river inside 

Let me run through a field in the night, 
Let me lift from the ground till my soul is in flight, 
Let me sway like the shade of a tree
Let me swirl like a cloud in a storm on the sea, 
Wish me on my way, through the dawning day, 
I wanna flow, wanna rise, wanna spill, wanna grow on the side of a hill 

Wanna shift like a wave rolling on, wanna drift from the path I've been traveling upon
Before I am gone. 

Morning

I miss waking up to the smell of breakfast. Now I rise at the insistent protests of my empty stomach. I feed myself with instant oatmeal which I only began to eat when I left home. Its blandness is unabashed as I devour it with guilt that always accompanies one that wakes up when it's almost noon.

In the morning, I feel most alone. I miss the people who used to cook breakfast for me. They are some place far off where things are much simpler. They do not know me anymore. I have become too complicated for their comprehension. They always ask me how I'm doing, but I simply tell them I'm okay. They do not know what "okay" means. It means I am having a hard time but still hanging on. It means I try my best to make things happen but they just don't. It means I'm tired so just leave me alone.

This people who used to cook breakfast for me love me, but they don't understand me. They are some place far off where I was much simpler and easier to love. Now I always wake up with hunger and longing and all that I could feed myself is instant oatmeal.